Stay together for the kids --- Fuck that.… My mom coming down from tweaking, and my dad not having any pot …
I’m sick of my parents fighting, and bickering all the god damned time. It is so fucking irritating. They fight over the stupidest pettiest shit. I’ve lived with them for well 17 years of course, and I’ve come to accept who they each are. Why the fuck can’t they. My mother is and always has been the way she is. She does not like to be told what to do. She hates with a passion staying in this house all day, cleaning, cooking, and doing other wifely duties. She does not like to be controlled. My father hates the fact that she is like that, yet they’re still together and have been for like 25 years.
My whole life has been about me accepting shit. ‘Deal with it, let it go, this is how it’s going to be now’ … I’ve heard that all my life. For what, only to settle for less. I’m sick of settling for less. This may make me sound selfish, and yes. Now I am going to be selfish. In nine months, I will be on my own. Only because my parents have yet to grow up and understand that THEY CREATED ME. I will get no help from them. And of course, I have accepted that.
All my life, I’ve been compared to my sister. I’m assuming because she came first. And how she acted while growing up is the way my parents think I should act. But don’t they understand that I’m not her? I wasn’t the most popular girl in school. I didn’t want to fucking go to some G.A.T.E school, with a whole bunch of smart asses. I strived to be normal growing up, and these people kept making it harder on me. You don’t constantly compare someone better to me if you want me to do better. Because of this, I have no bond with my sister. I feel closer to people I know online than my own flesh and blood sister.
My mom has been gone since last Thursday with my dads car. He’s had to get rides from other people. This morning, this woman comes home and goes directly to my room to hide. As if my dad was going to hit her or something (which he has NEVER done). Of course he’s going to yell, the bitch took his car. She tells me to shut the door. And I say no, because I think she deserves to get yelled at. So what does this do? It brings me into the middle of ---
Yelling and screaming, and my mom acting like an immature teenager, brings me to yell
“JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, GET A FUCKING DIVORCE ALREADY, IT WOULD MAKE EVERYONES LIVES SO MUCH EASIER!!!”
Both of them stopped mid sentence, and looked at me as if I had just killed someone. I’d never felt so relieved in my life, to know that something I said got to them. Mom left, and dad went to work. It’s been more than twelve hours and she still isn’t home. Dad always comes home.
I don’t want to accept shitty things anymore. I want to buy my own stuff. I want to have my own home. I want to finish raising myself. And I don’t care who doesn’t believe me. I will make something of myself and I will get out of this room, and this house, and this god forsaken town.
( ps-heres the new jacket i got from chrisCollapse )